My OCD is turning me into a Stepford Wife.
- Hazel Butterfield
- 09 January 2017 12:01
The idea of being 'her indoors', sends shudders down my spine. But I am doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping and even freakin' PA duties for man-thing. Hello old fashioned era! A role that I appear to have chosen for myself, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
The fact of the matter is that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, my strength is getting shit done. Witnessing a rubbish attempt at doing a task I excel at just makes me angry, why inflict that upon myself and the recipient of said anger? Therefore I find myself in a predicament.
I choose to delegate 'tasks' that are more fitting to another person's abilities, which can result in quite archaic roles. But I'm busy; work, family, household, dogs, fitness/health goals and Twitter will not look after themselves. Time is precious. Surely because I have chosen it means that it's a position of power!?
I LOVE cooking, but I'm what 'they' call a Flexitarian. Basically, I don't eat fish, will touch chicken breast at a push and I'll eat bacon if I've taken all the fun out of it. I also only like fatty foods on hangover days, so that means I eat quite healthily at least 2 days a week.
When man-thing returns home from work (I predominantly work from home), often there is a pre-dinner snack awaiting him, maybe even a glass of wine. It feels like all is missing is a floral apron and welcome home blow job. But in reality, I'm getting rid of food that is about to go out of date and the wine is the end of the bottle and I'm fed up of seeing it in the fridge. I want them gone, but not thrown away. Similarly, the elevensies snack I pack for him, normally a sweet snack that I need to GTFO the house.
I'm also a lover of cost effectiveness and minimum wastage. I get bouts of anxiety at wasting money and food. This means I know how to shop where I can get the optimum in special offers, incorporating requirements for nights in Vs nights out over the next week. It also stops any major sweet tooth purchases from rogue shoppers for when I'm trying to limit my crap intake. I also know what food porn I've seen on Instagram, the Sunday Glossies and Pinterest the week before that I need to have a go at. Chances are, I can't tick the idea off my to-do list until the recipe idea has been executed.
Diary management. C'mon, this surely does not need justifying.
The washing, I will do 5-10 loads a week. It's not hard, it's just about having a routine that fits in with my timetable, but:
a.) I can discretely hide items I want rid of, they just never make it back into the clean pile.
b.) I can make out that it's more of a painstaking arduous task so I can delegate ironing. NOTE. Not only do I hate ironing, but I appear to regularly burn myself.
c.) As stated earlier, I hate wastage. I can't disclose how expensive some of my tops really are to man-thing, so some people (ahem, men) who are not known for their attention to detail (don't give a shit) will easily wreck my favourite items that need TLC.
I get that just because we may be good at multitasking, does not mean that we should do it all, but it's 2017, how you choose to deal with that really is up to you!
It's more about control. Surely I can pass that off as a feminist stance? Anyway, the wine is kept in the kitchen, so maybe that is where I belong.