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25 Things people with kids are doing to get through:

  • Hazel Butterfield
  • 12 June 2017

I've put a list together, because I'm a mum. It's what I do best.

25 Things people with kids are doing to get through:

1. Using their kids as an excuse to have to stay in.

2. 'Manipulating' (some may prefer the term 'encouraging') their kids to like the children who's parents you like spending time with.

3. Sometimes you don't have time for an illness, so you reschedule it to a few days later, aka denial.

4. Telling their kids they don't listen properly, when you forgot to tell them something.

5. Willing their kids to just try and misbehave so you can send them to bed early.

6. Using a play-date as bribery, like, for days..

7. Pretending that their story/300th question of the day is REALLY interesting just as someone who you want to avoid walks past so you can avoid a conversation.

8. We have more patience with our children when there are witnesses.

9. Restaurants with Happy Hours have 'better' (more nutritious) kids meals. No really.

10. Pretending your little cherub sleeps better when you lie with them, bollocks, you're tired and fancy a nap.

11. Telling their kids to use their initiative when searching for an answer to a question - because we don't know.

12. Related to the above; asking google to answer many of their questions.

13. Blaming accidental flatulence while out and about on their kids (So I'm told).

14. Explaining signs of ageing as results of parenting their children.

15. We are master at bribery with additional qualifications in conflict resolution.

16. Like to 'attend' the gym as a legitimate reason to get a break. Otherwise, it's like a non-smoker asking for a fag break.

17. We crave alone time, but are lost when we get it.




18. Critiquing other parents' methods.

19. Pretending our kids watch less telly than what they actually do.

20. Can go from 'Mary Poppins sweet singy song happy human' to 'bat shit crazy, Why Why Why?' in 0-5 seconds...

21. Taking a proactive interest in our children's school day and what they have learnt, because we never really knew what a conjuncture was...! It's time to take notice this time around.

22. Whispering "for fucks sake" when you hear your name being called, again. However, whispering it really quietly so they won't find you as quickly.

23. Coming out with all the crappy lines your parents said to you, knowing what you thought of these said statements back then and carrying on anyway.

24. Drinking.

25. Pretending their kids are unaware of most of the above.


So in summary, winging it. How many have you succeeded in doing?!

On a slightly related note: Good re-makes of kids books for all you Gin swilling, Prosecco infused, delicious parents out there - Here. Also, if you are having one of those parent-esque meltdowns, please open Pinterest and type in 'Parenting Fails'. This should help.