Time to take back the control of our lives
- Hazel Butterfield
- 01 July 2019
Events and circumstances can make you feel that you are not in control of your own destiny and/or life path. But you are. You have the power to say who matters, what your goals are and what shapes who you are.
We can get swept away with tiredness and judgements, trying to please everyone else that we forget what is so incredibly important, taking care of ourselves.
I have let other people determine my happiness, tell me who I am and supposedly what I’d done or how I should be. I let knock backs affect me more than I should. I let social media convince me I surely wasn’t doing enough. I let sadness and being overwhelmed takeover too often. I tried to protect everyone else else and I forgot about me. I considered myself irrelevant, no wonder others did too. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you and how you treat others.
Worrying about people that do not worry about you is a complete waste of time. Time you could spend being nicer to yourself.
I love that most of Helen Mirren's most popular quotes are around wishing she'd learnt earlier to tell people to F**k off. By this she did not mean the local shop owner who wouldn't accept your return. It's about the boss who didn't deserve you, the friend who never put your first, the partner who cheated or didn't appreciate you. The green-eyed monsters who talked badly of you and the people who just didn't care. Then the worse one of all, the voice in your head that told you that you weren't good enough.
I am going to practice what I preach. I’ve had ‘items’ on my to-do list for over 6 months that I know if had actioned would have felt great and would be productive. But I have procrastinated. A mixture of, if said tasks had been successful I would have to go with a new positive life path that is a change from the norm, so a fear of change, a fear of being vulnerable, but honestly, what do I have to lose? If we break down our fears, they’re often just a pile of debilitating nonsense. I will complete them all within a week.
It may be superficial but rightly or wrongly, if I look good I’ll feel good. Exercise and energy go hand in hand, the more we do the better we feel. If we feel energised the positivity shines through. Exercise really is a game-changer. It makes you healthy, invigorates your energy levels and often involves being sociable! I’ve also started looking up clothes similar to what I own on Pinterest and saving outfit ideas so that I had easy inspiration of what to wear without the easy jeans and T-shirt option that make me feel like I’m not even trying. Yes certain things don’t matter but sometimes you need a kickstart.
I will also develop selective Tourette’s á la Helen Mirren.
There are books to help, to make you laugh and give you a Mojo injection. One of my favourites is Mummy JoJo Uncut.
...and Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.
As much as having power over our mental state and the direction of our lives can be achievable with work, there are so many elements that we cannot control. We are not in control of other people’s actions, no matter how these may affect us. Similarly we cannot change how other people choose to behave toward us, other than to limit our contact. Those that matter will stand and be counted, the rest is just noise.
The weight of the past, our fears that if we actually looked carefully at, may not actually be relevant anymore. The past is unchangeable, the future is completely up for grabs.
What is important is to be authentic, be you.
It is time to stand up and take control of our confidence. To not feel shame for our accomplishments, our mistakes or other people’s judgements.