Back to school - didn't it just fly by..? (For some!)
- Hazel Butterfield
- 31 August 2016
The countdown is on, they're going back. Oh, the tantrums, the tears, the sleeping in, it's been a rollercoaster right? Hold back the tears and let's get this shit in gear. Be prepared (mentally and financially), have everything ready (fizz on ice) and let's get this show on the road with as much ease and humour as possible.
One of the main issues of back to school is the reinstallation of a routine.
You need to teach the kids how to use a Nespresso machine so they can bring you coffee. Then may the mayhem morning routines commence. Bedtime therefore needs to be reduced gradually so as not to shock the system, aim for 15 mins a night. Any resistance (from the children) needs to result in further coffee making training. The excitement of such fun and freedom over the holidays need to be reduced in stages so as not to shock them back into reality. Three ice-creams a day cannot become an immediate 'get stuffed it's nearly dinner time', gently gently reduce or switch for mini-milk. Four hours of Playstation* (for sanity's sake) need to be traded for CBBC games or money earning chores, then they can buy their own sodding ice-creams if they are particularly adamant. You get my drift, I'm sure.
Hugely importantly, here are 5 ways to celebrate their return to school:
- Ignore Google. Now that there are teachers answering their incessant inane questions, Google can have a break.
- Get the house cleaned. If you've got OCD treat yourself to a multipack of antibacterial wipes and go to town, it's a double whammy.
- Go have a conversation that doesn't involve Minecraft, Force Attax or involve questions such as "Which will last longer, the Earth or the Moon?" (WGAS) Not to mention the proceeding 86 sub-questions, bless their little cotton socks.
- Treat yourself to a book AND read it, uninterrupted. No really. Why should they get all the new stuff?
- Do absolutely nothing.
FYI, that noise that you keep on hearing, don't be alarmed. It's ok, it's natural. Embrace it. It's the sweet hum of silence.
The actual going 'back to school' shopping doesn't have to be laborious trips to Clarks or WHSmith either (OK - Poundland), what about these..
Just given 'em a click.
Or if you have teens, you may need these... (Teens not compulsory)
Gin - Because you're worth it. I'm here to help.
Finally. Good, no scrap that, excellent books for kids. Here. We all know that we may need some bribery over the coming weeks.
Now, remember when dropping them off on their first morning back, don't look too elated until you're out of the gates, fully clear. They can be sensitive souls and you also don't want to tempt fate. These creatures can be tantrum sensitive during the early days of September.
Good luck. X
*Other entertainment systems are available.
WGAS - Who Gives A Shit.